"...Nobody knows anything about themselves, cuz they're all worried about everybody else"

It's certainly been awhile, so how about a little deep thinking to jumpstart your brains? ;)

It seems that we are typically taught that to succeed in life and be happy, we need to have confidence in ourselves. To know someone who knows what they want in life and can stand up and say exactly what they like about themselves can be seen as a attractive personality trait. It can also be said that there is a fine line between having confidence in oneself and being narcisstic and arrogant. But I wonder about those on the other end of the spectrum. Is it possible that there is also a fine line between those who are confident in themselves and those who, in actuality, have a false sense of confidence? And what does that mean to have a false sense of confidence? Why is it that there are those who can verbalize their strengths and assets to others, but, internally, they may feel otherwise? Are those who portray themselves as confident really just trying to appear as so for the sake of being seen as more attractive to others?

I believe everyone finds faults and weaknesses in themselves regardless of how confident they see themselves. But to what extent are those recognizable faults a portrayal of self-awareness versus a portrayal of low self-confidence? I always say I consider myself to be a confident person, but sometimes I wonder if I really am. There are certainly qualities about my personality and physical appearance that I constantly analyze and pick at internally, but I work very hard to try not to let others see that those aspects about myself bother me. I preach about loving yourself for who you are--weaknesses and all. But I would be lying if I said I didn't struggle with practicing what I preach. Is this just me having a better sense of self? Can having a better sense of self, even if it is recognizing what you see as your own faults and weaknesses, make you a more confident person? Isn't it possible that being confident in yourself not only means being able to point out the things you love about yourself, but also being able to point out the things you don't like about yourself? If someone couldn't point out the things they didn't like, would that person really be someone who was confident in themselves? Or am I just in denial? Perhaps I truly am not as confident in myself as I thought I was?

Just a little deep thinking for you all! :) I'd be interested in hearing your opinions/comments on this topic!

Songs that make you go... hmmm

I recently had the amazing opportunity to see Darius Rucker, former lead singer of Hootie and the Blowfish, now a solo country artist, perform at a bar in downtown Mpls promoting his new country album. He is truly a passionate singer and it is reflected in the songs he writes. I thought I would start showcasing some of them that inspired me and made me think in the hopes that it might inspire others and go by his CD! The song below is on his new album and he performed it acapella at the show I saw and it was amazing...there were people in the crowd with watery eyes at the end of the song:

"While I Still Got The Time"
Thirty-nine (39) candles burnt out on a cake
Each representin’ a million mistakes
The last one still burns, there’s a wish I can make
This time I’m getting’ it right
So I close my eyes and I take a deep breath
And I promise myself in the time I have left
I’m gonna work like I don’t need the money
I’m gonna laugh like I’m not afraid to cry
I’m gonna dance like nobody’s watchin’
I’m gonna love while I still got the time
Lovin’ me hasn’t been easy on you
I don’t know why, but I know you still do
It may be my day, but here’s a present for you
You’re lookin’ at your new man
He’s sincere and sober and faithful and kind
And he’s home when you need him and girl startin’ tonight
I’m gonna work like I don’t need the money
I’m gonna laugh like I’m not afraid to cry
I’m gonna dance like nobody’s watchin’
I’m gonna love while I still got the time
No more excuses and no more me doing things wrong
Life is too short, baby, I’ve wasted ours for too long
And baby from now on
I’m gonna work like I don’t need the money
I’m gonna laugh like I’m not afraid to cry
I’m gonna dance like nobody’s watchin’
I’m gonna love while I still got the time

My 24th Summer

It's gone just about as soon as it gets here, but oh how we try to make the best of it. This summer was anything but dull. There were some incredibly amazing times and some terrible heartaches. A life was created by two city friends and friendships were created with several small town boys. A new flame turned into true love, and an old love's flame was snuffed out. There were fairs and races, friendly baseball rivalries and friends playing softball in the park. Some of us started new jobs, some are starting school, some are moving into new homes.

It makes me wonder how much else could really get packed in! I think we've all hit that point in our lives when we start wishing that our lives slow down. I'm pretty sure everyone complained to their parents when they were younger about wishing they were older. And our parents always responded with something to the effect of "you just wait, you'll wish you had these days back again." I think we've hit that point when we start missing those times. This summer is one that I'm going to remember for a long time and a moment that I'll look back at and wish I was in it again.

It's two bare feet on the dashboard
a young love and an old Ford
cheap shades and a tattoo
and a Yoohoo bottle on the floorboard
Her favorite song on the radio
sing along cuz it's one we know
it's a smile, it's a kiss, it's a sip of wine, it's summertime...

The way those blue eyes shine

aFor fear of harm by my roommate, I feel it's time for another blog post!

A couple of weeks ago, I went to Philadelphia for the wedding of my freshman year college roommate. Heidi and I were one of those rare exceptions in that we were randomly placed together in a dorm room without previously knowing each other and became inseperable throughout the year ahead. Most people have horror stories about their freshman year roommate, but my stories were just the opposite.

Unfortunately, Heidi decided the school we went to wasn't the right choice for her and she moved back to her home state of Colorado to finish her degree at another school. While we continued to stay in touch, it was and is obviously extremely difficult. I always believed that had Heidi and I remained in the same region together, we still would be inseperable to this day. She is still one of my best friends even though she lives a few states away and I had the honor of standing up in her wedding a couple weeks ago. We hadn't seen each other in over 3 years and I'm happy to say we picked up exactly where we left off. Seeing her again really made me realize how much I really do love and miss her. I was kind of kicking myself for not making more of an effort to visit her in that 3 years. I think Heidi came to that same realization that weekend too. We're just not meant to be kept apart. Although she lives in Philadelphia and I now live in Minneapolis, there is hope! Her husband is in the process of applying for residency at several hospitals in the midwest and one of them is Hennepin County Medical Center, a hospital here in the twin cities! I'm keeping my fingers crossed and praying my hardest that he gets in there and chooses to accept the position! How wonderful it would be to be so close to my Heidi Jo again! I'd be one step closer to having all my greatest friends in the same place!

On another note, my parents visited me this weekend and had the opportunity to see where I work. One of the first things my dad said to me was how blue my eyes seemed to be. They were glowing, he said. I just seemed to look so bright to him. At first we were laughing about it, but my mom then said, it's because she's happy. And after thinking about it for a while, I think she's right. I've never considered myself to ever be sad or depressed at any point in my life, but I think i've finally achieved where i've always wanted to be. It's nice to see that all my hard work throughout the past few years has really paid off. And apparently, it does wonders for my physical appearance, as well :) And I'll certainly take that added bonus!

That's about all I have to share for now. Here's a look at the things I'm looking forward to:
- Next weekend is Labor Day weekend which means a day off on Monday!
-The weekend after that is Bug Days in Austin's home town of Minneota, MN and any trip to Minneota equals an adventure :)
-Two weekends after that is a trip to a friends cabin for probably the last hoorah for the summer

Ta Ta for now!
Jilly

Baby it's a fine line...

I heard this great song by Little Big Town on the radio today and it really resonated with me. I've heard the song before but i never really stopped to think about the lyrics. It really described how i had been feeling for a while:

Completely complacent
So excitedly vacant
I keep waiting for something to give
But that something is always me
You consume what your able
I get crumbs from your table
You call this comfortably normal
But i call it getting by

Baby its a fine line
Im holding on your holding back
Baby its a fine line
Cant you hear it knockin at your door
But your taking your sweet time
In love and out of touch yeah
Baby its a fine line
Baby its a real fine line

Do you feel the distance
Like i feel resistance
If i pull any farther away
Would you even come after me
But the one thing im fearing
Is im disappearing
How can i keep believing
If you wont prove me wrong

Baby its a fine line
Im holding on your holding back
Baby its a fine line
Cant you hear it knockin at your door
But your taking your sweet time
In love and out of touch yeah
Baby its a fine line
Baby its a real fine line

Yeah I'm Free, Free Falling

As I lay in my bed on my brand new sheets and comforter, courtesy of Bed, Bath, & Beyond, reading the highly addicting and suspenseful, "Office Policies and Procedures," I can't help but realize the incredible changes I am going through in my life right now. I've finally landed a job and the fear of going broke and having no health insurance has disappeared. I'm surrounded by some of the most amazing friends a woman could ask for. Two of my best friends have had a baby. The summer has been packed with fun weekends that have included meeting new people. And I'm now starting to experience and enjoy what it's like to be single and dating again. There are so many directions I can take right now and so many things I could write about. I truly believe I'm experiencing one of the most exciting moments of my life right now. I look back at the past two years when I have been in grad school and it's amazing to me the difference in how I felt. Looking at my life in this very moment, I am confident that I made the right decision to move back to Minnesota. Although it's very hard for me to be away from my family, I can tell that I am a much happier person right now then I was a year ago.

I think the best part, and at the same time the scariest part, is that I have no idea what is in store for me in the coming days, months, and years! When you're in school, there is always an agenda set out for you and a series of tasks you know you have to complete. But now I'm finally done with school and I have a job. I try to imagine where i'm going to be a year from now, who I will meet, where i've come in my career, and my mind goes blank because, really, anything can happen and anything is possible. It's the most exhilirating feeling in the world. It's like I'm free falling and who knows where or who I will land next! :)

The Place You Wanna Go-Ta

Had an awesome weekend visiting Austin's hometown. Couldn't ask for a more wonderful support group of friends and family. It's so frustrating that they live 3 hours away. For not knowing anyone besides Erin, Austin, and Linsday, I felt so welcomed and so at home with his friends. They're the kind of people that don't judge you and can become instant friends with anyone. Those are the kind of people that are so addicting to be around, so it was kinda tough driving back to the cities today.

The weekend contained many surprises, drama, and spontaneity...just the way I like it :)

Austin left with a broken heel bone.
Lindsay and Pickle left with cuts and scrapes.
Butters left with only one properly functioning arm.
And I left with a crush and a wishful, but slightly torn heart.
The whole world could change in a minute
Just one kiss could stop it spinning
We could think it through
But I don't want to if you don't want to
We could keep things just the same
Leave here the way we came
with nothing to lose
But I don't want to if you don't want to

Next stop on the adventure train: RIDGES!