Songs that make you go... hmmm

I recently had the amazing opportunity to see Darius Rucker, former lead singer of Hootie and the Blowfish, now a solo country artist, perform at a bar in downtown Mpls promoting his new country album. He is truly a passionate singer and it is reflected in the songs he writes. I thought I would start showcasing some of them that inspired me and made me think in the hopes that it might inspire others and go by his CD! The song below is on his new album and he performed it acapella at the show I saw and it was amazing...there were people in the crowd with watery eyes at the end of the song:

"While I Still Got The Time"
Thirty-nine (39) candles burnt out on a cake
Each representin’ a million mistakes
The last one still burns, there’s a wish I can make
This time I’m getting’ it right
So I close my eyes and I take a deep breath
And I promise myself in the time I have left
I’m gonna work like I don’t need the money
I’m gonna laugh like I’m not afraid to cry
I’m gonna dance like nobody’s watchin’
I’m gonna love while I still got the time
Lovin’ me hasn’t been easy on you
I don’t know why, but I know you still do
It may be my day, but here’s a present for you
You’re lookin’ at your new man
He’s sincere and sober and faithful and kind
And he’s home when you need him and girl startin’ tonight
I’m gonna work like I don’t need the money
I’m gonna laugh like I’m not afraid to cry
I’m gonna dance like nobody’s watchin’
I’m gonna love while I still got the time
No more excuses and no more me doing things wrong
Life is too short, baby, I’ve wasted ours for too long
And baby from now on
I’m gonna work like I don’t need the money
I’m gonna laugh like I’m not afraid to cry
I’m gonna dance like nobody’s watchin’
I’m gonna love while I still got the time

My 24th Summer

It's gone just about as soon as it gets here, but oh how we try to make the best of it. This summer was anything but dull. There were some incredibly amazing times and some terrible heartaches. A life was created by two city friends and friendships were created with several small town boys. A new flame turned into true love, and an old love's flame was snuffed out. There were fairs and races, friendly baseball rivalries and friends playing softball in the park. Some of us started new jobs, some are starting school, some are moving into new homes.

It makes me wonder how much else could really get packed in! I think we've all hit that point in our lives when we start wishing that our lives slow down. I'm pretty sure everyone complained to their parents when they were younger about wishing they were older. And our parents always responded with something to the effect of "you just wait, you'll wish you had these days back again." I think we've hit that point when we start missing those times. This summer is one that I'm going to remember for a long time and a moment that I'll look back at and wish I was in it again.

It's two bare feet on the dashboard
a young love and an old Ford
cheap shades and a tattoo
and a Yoohoo bottle on the floorboard
Her favorite song on the radio
sing along cuz it's one we know
it's a smile, it's a kiss, it's a sip of wine, it's summertime...

The way those blue eyes shine

aFor fear of harm by my roommate, I feel it's time for another blog post!

A couple of weeks ago, I went to Philadelphia for the wedding of my freshman year college roommate. Heidi and I were one of those rare exceptions in that we were randomly placed together in a dorm room without previously knowing each other and became inseperable throughout the year ahead. Most people have horror stories about their freshman year roommate, but my stories were just the opposite.

Unfortunately, Heidi decided the school we went to wasn't the right choice for her and she moved back to her home state of Colorado to finish her degree at another school. While we continued to stay in touch, it was and is obviously extremely difficult. I always believed that had Heidi and I remained in the same region together, we still would be inseperable to this day. She is still one of my best friends even though she lives a few states away and I had the honor of standing up in her wedding a couple weeks ago. We hadn't seen each other in over 3 years and I'm happy to say we picked up exactly where we left off. Seeing her again really made me realize how much I really do love and miss her. I was kind of kicking myself for not making more of an effort to visit her in that 3 years. I think Heidi came to that same realization that weekend too. We're just not meant to be kept apart. Although she lives in Philadelphia and I now live in Minneapolis, there is hope! Her husband is in the process of applying for residency at several hospitals in the midwest and one of them is Hennepin County Medical Center, a hospital here in the twin cities! I'm keeping my fingers crossed and praying my hardest that he gets in there and chooses to accept the position! How wonderful it would be to be so close to my Heidi Jo again! I'd be one step closer to having all my greatest friends in the same place!

On another note, my parents visited me this weekend and had the opportunity to see where I work. One of the first things my dad said to me was how blue my eyes seemed to be. They were glowing, he said. I just seemed to look so bright to him. At first we were laughing about it, but my mom then said, it's because she's happy. And after thinking about it for a while, I think she's right. I've never considered myself to ever be sad or depressed at any point in my life, but I think i've finally achieved where i've always wanted to be. It's nice to see that all my hard work throughout the past few years has really paid off. And apparently, it does wonders for my physical appearance, as well :) And I'll certainly take that added bonus!

That's about all I have to share for now. Here's a look at the things I'm looking forward to:
- Next weekend is Labor Day weekend which means a day off on Monday!
-The weekend after that is Bug Days in Austin's home town of Minneota, MN and any trip to Minneota equals an adventure :)
-Two weekends after that is a trip to a friends cabin for probably the last hoorah for the summer

Ta Ta for now!
Jilly

Baby it's a fine line...

I heard this great song by Little Big Town on the radio today and it really resonated with me. I've heard the song before but i never really stopped to think about the lyrics. It really described how i had been feeling for a while:

Completely complacent
So excitedly vacant
I keep waiting for something to give
But that something is always me
You consume what your able
I get crumbs from your table
You call this comfortably normal
But i call it getting by

Baby its a fine line
Im holding on your holding back
Baby its a fine line
Cant you hear it knockin at your door
But your taking your sweet time
In love and out of touch yeah
Baby its a fine line
Baby its a real fine line

Do you feel the distance
Like i feel resistance
If i pull any farther away
Would you even come after me
But the one thing im fearing
Is im disappearing
How can i keep believing
If you wont prove me wrong

Baby its a fine line
Im holding on your holding back
Baby its a fine line
Cant you hear it knockin at your door
But your taking your sweet time
In love and out of touch yeah
Baby its a fine line
Baby its a real fine line

Yeah I'm Free, Free Falling

As I lay in my bed on my brand new sheets and comforter, courtesy of Bed, Bath, & Beyond, reading the highly addicting and suspenseful, "Office Policies and Procedures," I can't help but realize the incredible changes I am going through in my life right now. I've finally landed a job and the fear of going broke and having no health insurance has disappeared. I'm surrounded by some of the most amazing friends a woman could ask for. Two of my best friends have had a baby. The summer has been packed with fun weekends that have included meeting new people. And I'm now starting to experience and enjoy what it's like to be single and dating again. There are so many directions I can take right now and so many things I could write about. I truly believe I'm experiencing one of the most exciting moments of my life right now. I look back at the past two years when I have been in grad school and it's amazing to me the difference in how I felt. Looking at my life in this very moment, I am confident that I made the right decision to move back to Minnesota. Although it's very hard for me to be away from my family, I can tell that I am a much happier person right now then I was a year ago.

I think the best part, and at the same time the scariest part, is that I have no idea what is in store for me in the coming days, months, and years! When you're in school, there is always an agenda set out for you and a series of tasks you know you have to complete. But now I'm finally done with school and I have a job. I try to imagine where i'm going to be a year from now, who I will meet, where i've come in my career, and my mind goes blank because, really, anything can happen and anything is possible. It's the most exhilirating feeling in the world. It's like I'm free falling and who knows where or who I will land next! :)

The Place You Wanna Go-Ta

Had an awesome weekend visiting Austin's hometown. Couldn't ask for a more wonderful support group of friends and family. It's so frustrating that they live 3 hours away. For not knowing anyone besides Erin, Austin, and Linsday, I felt so welcomed and so at home with his friends. They're the kind of people that don't judge you and can become instant friends with anyone. Those are the kind of people that are so addicting to be around, so it was kinda tough driving back to the cities today.

The weekend contained many surprises, drama, and spontaneity...just the way I like it :)

Austin left with a broken heel bone.
Lindsay and Pickle left with cuts and scrapes.
Butters left with only one properly functioning arm.
And I left with a crush and a wishful, but slightly torn heart.
The whole world could change in a minute
Just one kiss could stop it spinning
We could think it through
But I don't want to if you don't want to
We could keep things just the same
Leave here the way we came
with nothing to lose
But I don't want to if you don't want to

Next stop on the adventure train: RIDGES!

I'm not sick, I'm single!

It's interesting how afraid people are of being alone. That the thought of being in one's own company is far more appalling then being in the company of others. Over the past 6 weeks or so I've really been able to sit back and understand what it means to be alone. And in this instance, I don't mean for "alone" to be considered in it's traditionally negative connotation. I've finally finished my education, I've moved out on my own, cut off from my parents and just ended a 2 year relationship. I'm still unemployed so I have been spending a great deal of time with myself.

At first I found being home alone when my roommate was at work to be extremely boring. The internet connection is not always reliable when your pirating off your neighbor and you won't believe how quick it is to surf through 7 channels. Although I still do a lot of sitting around, I've begun to make more of an effort to actually spend time with myself. I run errands like going to the bank and post office, but everyone does that. A few days ago, I went to the pet store to buy collars for the kitties with cute little engraved tags. Still slightly lame, but a step up from the bank. But today, I was very proud of myself. It was 8:30 pm, I was bored, and, as usual, I had a craving for some DQ. Since the weather was gorgeous today, I decided to ride my bike instead of drive. I stopped on the Louisiana Ave. bridge just near Cedar Lake Rd. and looked at the breath taking view of the Minneapolis sky line. Standing over the bridge, my eyes followed the train tracks below as they trailed straight into the city. It was like a painting that unfortunately the camera on my cell phone could not quite capture. It was nice.

With Chocolate Xtreme blizzard in hand (hold the chocolate chips-I feel the toughness of the chips over power the creaminess of the ice cream and the softness of the brownie chunks), I started to make my way back home when I saw a pretty little pond with a small fountain in the center. There were two benches that surrounded it. One was currently occupied by a young couple also enjoying their DQ treats so I propped my bike against the empty one and took a seat. The air was perfect and my ice cream was delicious. I watched the peaceful fountain in the center of the pond and noticed three small ducklings bobbing through the water probably practicing their fishing skills. There were no adult ducks in sight so I imagine the ducklings must have recently split from their parents and were experiencing life on their own for the first time. As odd as it sounds, I really related to those little ducklings tonight. I smiled as I watched them playfully swim around and I headed back home.

As I heard in a movie once, I'm not sick, I'm single! Those women who go around crying over how miserable they are when they're alone don't know what they're missing! If you can't even enjoy spending time with yourself, how are you ever going to persuade someone else that spending time with you is worth while--do you even know if it is? Well I'm finding out, so when that person does come around, my independece and confidence in myself will be more than enough to reel him in ;)

Enter: Square One

I suppose the whole reason I started a blog was because of a recent change in my life. After nearly 2 years of being in a relationship, I found myself staring at my facebook settings page with my cursor scrolling down to "single." As idiodic as it sounds, it took me a couple of deep breaths and some words of wisdom for me to click "save." I was, once again, back at square one wondering where the hell it went wrong. This was the second relationship I had been in where at a certain point I was certain he was "the one." And yet, here I am again, knowing he wasn't the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

People say that when you find the right person, "you just know." I'm not so sure I buy that anymore. With two different men, I had this feeling right from the beginning that they were the ones I wanted to be with and, obviously, both relationships ended up in the crapper. Interestingly enough, both of these relationships ended around the 2 year mark. The analyst in me wonders if I have some sort of deep underlying commitment issues that force me to subconsciously sabotage the relationship. The realist in me wants to believe that I'm just an average 20-something riding the relationship roller coaster and that I just honestly haven't had very good luck yet in my relationships.

It's not that my ultimate goal in life is to be Sally Housewife and find the man of my dreams and have lots of sex and babies, but almost every woman I know has created a mental timeline for themselves and it's pretty standard that 1)getting married and 2) having kids fits in somewhere. As a teenager I was hoping to have at least met the man that I was going to spend my life with by this point in my life. Well, I'm two months away from my 24th birthday and I just broke up with the guy i thought was "the one." Enter square one.

The point is, I feel like I can't trust my feelings anymore because they have steered me wrong in the past. Sometimes I wonder if maybe I force myself to feel like each guy I date is "the one" because I'm afraid I won't find him. I guess the real challenge here is to figure out where my true feelings lie-what my actual gut says and being able to differentiate those feelings from the "fake" ones.

I'm not worried, I'm just impatient, I suppose.